And God's Name, It Shall Be One

Read before the Aleinu at Camp Coleman Shabbat Services 06.11.10

At the end of Aleinu we say the words, “Bayom hahu yiheyeh adonai echad, ushmo echad / On that day, God shall be one, and God’s name it shall be one.” For me, this is problematic, because God has soooooo many names. For example:

If God’s name shall be one, and God is listening to 6.5 billion people, then God is multilingual.

And if God’s name shall be one, and there’s the possibility of life on other planets, then God is multilingual and intergalactic.

If God’s name shall be one, and God is all-knowing, then God is a multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia.

If God’s name, it shall be one, and God is all-powerful, God is a multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia, and presidential prime minister of the infinitely executive branch.

If God’s name, it shall be one, and God is all-good, God is a multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia, presidential prime minister of the infinitely executive branch, and distributor of life rafts and pool floaties.

If God’s name, it shall be one, and God is science, God is a multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia, presidential prime minister of the infinitely executive branch, distributor of life rafts and pool floaties, and forest ranger of atomic orbitals.

If God’s name, it shall be one, and God is art, God is a multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia, presidential prime minister of the infinitely executive branch, distributor of life rafts and pool floaties, forest ranger of atomic orbitals, and a cubist-fauvist impressionist jazz architect.

If God’s name, it shall be one, and God is a healer, God is a multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia, presidential prime minister of the infinitely executive branch, distributor of life rafts and pool floaties, forest ranger of atomic orbitals, cubist-fauvist impressionist jazz architect, and an open-heart surgeon / dental hygienist.

If God’s name, it shall be one, and God is our moral compass, God is a multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia, presidential prime minister of the infinitely executive branch, distributor of life rafts and pool floaties, forest ranger of atomic orbitals, cubist-fauvist impressionist jazz architect, open-heart surgeon / dental hygienist, and a referee umpire line judge.

If God’s name, it shall be one, and God is the source of food, God is a multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia, presidential prime minister of the infinitely executive branch, distributor of life rafts and pool floaties, forest ranger of atomic orbitals, cubist-fauvist impressionist jazz architect, open-heart surgeon / dental hygienist, referee umpire line judge, and vendor at the eternal pretzel stand.

If God’s name, it shall be one, and God is the source of water, God is a multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia, presidential prime minister of the infinitely executive branch, distributor of life rafts and pool floaties, forest ranger of atomic orbitals, cubist-fauvist impressionist jazz architect, open-heart surgeon / dental hygienist, referee umpire line judge, vendor at the eternal pretzel stand, and the cumulonimbus precipitating evaporator.

If God’s name, it shall be one, and God hears our prayers, God is a multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia, presidential prime minister of the infinitely executive branch, distributor of life rafts and pool floaties, forest ranger of atomic orbitals, cubist-fauvist impressionist jazz architect, open-heart surgeon / dental hygienist, referee umpire line judge, vendor at the eternal pretzel stand, cumulonimbus precipitating evaporator, and an echo chamber with built-in tectonic subwoofers.

So please rise as we praise the multilingual intergalactic Wikipedia, presidential prime minister of the infinitely executive branch, distributor of life rafts and pool floaties, forest ranger of atomic orbitals, cubist-fauvist impressionist jazz architect, open-heart surgeon / dental hygienist, referee umpire line judge, vendor at the eternal pretzel stand, cumulonimbus precipitating evaporator, and echo chamber with built-in tectonic subwoofers.

And, if God is anything else, pray to that name too.